In the intricate nature of relationships, the tipping points that lead to divorce often remain shrouded in personal histories and emotions. For many men, these pivotal moments—referred to as the “final straws”—represent the culmination of years of compromise, reflection, and ultimately, the decision to part ways.
In this article, we look at the stories of divorced men who have candidly opened up about the events and realisations that marked the end of their marriages. Each story is a testament to the profound impact of seemingly small incidents, unmet expectations, and the intricate dynamics that define modern relationships.
1. Financial Leeching
In a marriage, men are often thought of as the “money markers” in the household, while women traditionally take on housewife duties. Though this may be less common nowadays, men still view their role as breadwinners in marriages, giving priority to providing a healthy living for their loved ones with financial stability. However, money may turn out to be the root of the problems in a marriage, especially if materialistic obsessions of the wives get overbearing.
Materialistic women can be stigmatised as “Golddiggers”, and the men who work hard to be “Providers” can sometimes feel that their hard work is being taken advantage of by their Golddigger wives, deteriorating their self-worth and marriage.
“I got laid off from my high paying job because of COVID. We didn’t have much savings since my (former) wife enjoyed shopping all too much. Our finances got worse. I had to work two jobs, and when I asked her if she could help out, she left and went to live with her friend, the guy he told me not to worry about.” [1]
“She went on an expensive shopping spree without my knowledge, using my card. When I confronted her about it, she threw a bottle of wine at me. And that’s why I have this scar in my arm. I convinced her that we get couple’s therapy. It didn’t work. She never admitted to her faults. To top it off, she cheated on me a month later with her personal fitness instructor that I paid for. We had a prenup, but I still lost $300K in court just because she shed a few pity tears.” [2]
When men bear the burden of an unequal financial contribution, they often find themselves responsible for covering the thoughtless carefree spending of their wives. This dynamic can erode their sense of worth in the marriage and ultimately diminish the power of love which first made them choose to get married.
2. Domestic Violence
There is a common belief that men are supposed to be insensitive, strong, and apathetic individuals who endure any negativity thrown at them. However, this assumption or societal pressure is precisely why abuse towards men is often overlooked, making it difficult for them to seek help.
One in seven men (13.9%) will be victims of domestic violence in their lifetimes, and 49% in 2017 alone had failed to report cases of intimate partner violence.
“She was aggressive. I am not a small guy. At the time I was 6′ 170 lbs. She was 5’4″ 115 lbs. If she came at me head on, I could easily defend myself. It was the times when I was not paying attention that was bad. Getting decked in the face and going to work with a black eye or bite marks (I still don’t understand why she would bite) made things hard for me. Well, the final straw is an argument over money. She came into the bedroom when I was getting socks from the dresser. She punched me on the left side of my head when I was not looking. I stood there in shock just looking at her.” [3]
3. Lacklustre Marriage
Although not the most admirable reason for filing a divorce, many men have observed that as their marriage progresses, especially when priorities shift towards supporting the household and planning for retirement, the sexual appeal of their wives often diminishes. This can lead to a sexless and unexciting marriage.
Stories and interviews reveal that men feel their marriages are undermined by the responsibilities that come with managing a household and family. This shift in focus can make them feel neglected or unloved when the majority of their spouse’s affection is directed elsewhere.
“My final straw was on my 34th birthday when I went out of my way to have the house cleaned, laundry/dishes done, and was in my best suit 😉 yeah that one and she came into the bedroom and instead of immediately jumping into the bed for a birthday treat, she decided to nag me about getting my new plate tags taken care of. Out of all the stupid excuses not to have sex, that was by far the worst. Got dressed, got the damn tags taken care of and moved out shortly after. Lack of sex and constant fights were pushing us to that edge but that was the nail in the coffin.” [4]
4. Parental Disagreements
Husbands and wives, as parents, share equal responsibilities—financially, emotionally, and in all aspects—to improve the lives of their loved ones.
Many men have commented that, with the majority of financial responsibility already placed upon them, they experience an overwhelming amount of family pressure in addition to the challenges of parenthood. Making decisions as parents compounds the stress, presenting a pivotal challenge in marital life that non-parents do not face.
Some suggest that parenthood can strip away the joy of marriage. When the focus is so heavily placed on other matters, the bond between couples can diminish over time, leaving little or no reason to continue staying together. Once this realization hits, the spark is difficult to reignite, and it often never does.
“Then the years of raising them, building careers, saving money, spending ever increasing amounts of money. The spark you once felt, most days, seems like remembering an old movie. And often so fuzzy you wonder if you ever really saw it at all. In the midst it’s easy to think, “Wow, maybe she wasn’t the one after all. Maybe, that spark would happen with someone new.” [5]
5. Infertility of Wife
Unlike the previous cases highlighting the challenges of growing a family, this reason pertains to a handful of situations where men wish to fulfill their roles as husbands and fathers. Unfortunately, their partners are unable to do so due to infertility or differences in morals and goals.
A word of caution to all men: even if you have a strong desire to raise a family, as one commenter has stated…
“That’s her choice. You have no right to force her to bear children or adopt any. I’d say the same thing to a wife whose husband doesn’t want kids at all.” [6]
6. Harmful Addictions
In relationships, men commonly encounter addictions related to shopping and drugs. These addictions are not limited by gender and have the potential to harm children, friends, or even the addicted individuals themselves. To ensure the safety of everyone involved, men sometimes find it necessary to seek a separation or divorce
“”Migraines” & “Depression” turned out to be well-planned cover for hard core opiate addiction & poly substance abuse. The final straw was when she nodded while behind the wheel with my son in the car. She was in “rehab” and my 5-year-old tells me: “Daddy! Mommy fell asleep when she was driving today.!” “I yelled for her to wake up ’cause we were going to crash and she did and then we got home safe, but I was scared”. I realised I had to get myself and my kids out of there.” [7]
7. Infidelity of Wife
Unfortunately, through the advent of media, men are depicted often as lecherous, constantly on the prowl and associated with infidelity. However, infidelity is not limited to one gender, in cases where women are disloyal to their partners, be it “soft” or “hard” cheating, it is oftentimes enough to push a man over the edge.
Cheating is widely seen as an automatic reason to end a relationship; unfaithfulness is rarely forgiven. Those with dignity and self-worth usually do not hesitate to file for divorce upon discovering an affair.
“When my buddies approached me to complain that she kept sitting on their laps, wiggling, and hoping for an erection.
I think that statement speaks for itself.”
8. Emotional manipulation
Men are susceptible to cases of emotional abuse from their partners, due to societal pressures that men are supposed to “take it like a real man”, and this makes it difficult to get out of these messy situations.
Emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence that often goes unnoticed or even dismissed. This sort of behaviours could be subtle and could isolate, harm and frighten the victim, regardless of their gender. Unfortunately, there are men in romantic relationships that find themselves entangled with psychological abusers.
“I divorced my ex-wife because of physical and emotional abuse. She was controlling and kept me away from my family. She was a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, but she refused to take her medication, and had put this idea in her head that my family was trying to get me to leave her. So she kept me away from them as much as possible, and even guilt-tripped me for attending my little sister’s high school graduation and my great-grandmother’s funeral. One day, we got into a pretty heated argument. She decided it would be a good idea to slap me across the face, so I slapped her back. Then she did it again, and I hit her again. That was the whole time throughout our entire year-and-a-half long relationship that I put my hands on her in that manner. The second time I slapped her back, it was so hard it knocked her to the floor. She was still on the floor by the time I packed my stuff and left. I filed for divorce a week later.” [8]
9. Insecurity of Wife
An unusual personality trait to be placed onto a man but is a common characteristic that men in relationships tend to develop. Men have commented that their wives often compare their partners to others frequently to fit into their ideal lover or life. With enough nagging, not only does it take a huge blow to their confidence but causes them to doubt the true bond in their marriages.
“Besides the narcissism, random violence and violent outbursts, it was her strange punishments. Her last one doomed her. My crime? I forgot milk on the way home from work, so she didn’t talk to me, not one word, for a week. PURE BLISS, for a week. When she asked if I was ready to apologise, I handed her the divorce papers. “Why?” “Because you rob me of solitude but provide me with no companionship.”[9]
10. Drama-Queens
Over-the-top emotions, talking non-stop and constant complaints are not men’s cup of tea in their marriages. Some women unfortunately live up to the title of being drama queens, causing them to indulge in behaviours of neglect and persistent criticism.
Some men have stated that they find themselves having to compensate for their wives’ overbearing emotions, leaving them with no companionship or support for their own emotions.
“I was on deployment, and she yelled at me for interrupting her family’s celebration when I called on Christmas.”[10]
Sharing their accounts of what led to the dissolution of their marriages, these men have shed light on the varied and deeply personal journeys that culminate in the end of relationships. Each story highlights the intricate nature of human connections and the significant influence of pivotal moments. These narratives offer insights not only into individual experiences but also into broader themes such as resilience, personal development, and the changing dynamics of relationships in contemporary society. Ultimately, their candidness encourages us to contemplate the complexities of marital relationships and underscores the value of introspection and effective communication in navigating the obstacles encountered on the path of love and companionship.
The Singapore Divorce Lawyer: Mr. Clement Yong
If any of these stories resonate with you and you would like to speak with a divorce lawyer in Singapore, do not hesitate to reach out to us here to make an appointment for a free legal consultation.
Our team of divorce lawyers is led by Mr. Clement Yong, who is formerly a District Judge in the Family Justice Courts and has over 10 years’ experience in family law and criminal law matters. We are passionate about simplifying and guiding clients through challenging legal process with empathy and passion. Every client’s needs are unique, and we seek to understand these needs through effective and prompt communication (our WhatsApp is available 24/7) so as to provide legal services with a view towards a positive outcome for all our clients.
[1] R/unpopularopinion on reddit: Women who value men for their money are equivalent to men who view women as sex tools. Accessed May 31, 2024. https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/18n85td/women_who_value_men_for_their_money_are/
[2] Why do the financial burdens of a relationship still predominantly fall on males if we want equality? Quora. Accessed May 31, 2024. https://www.quora.com/Why-do-the-financial-burdens-of-a-relationship-still-predominantly-fall-on-males-if-we-want-equality.
[3] R/askreddit – divorced men of reddit: What was the final straw, what told you it was time to ask for a divorce? Accessed May 31, 2024. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1oap3i/divorced_men_of_reddit_what_was_the_final_straw/ .
[4] R/askreddit – divorced men of reddit: What was the final straw, what told you it was time to ask for a divorce? Accessed May 31, 2024. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1oap3i/divorced_men_of_reddit_what_was_the_final_straw/ .
[5] Why are males forced to work to pay for their wife’s expenses (even after divorce)? – quora. Accessed May 31, 2024. https://www.quora.com/Why-are-males-forced-to-work-to-pay-for-their-wife-s-expenses-even-after-divorce.
[6] R/unpopularopinion on reddit: Women who value men for their money are equivalent to men who view women as sex tools. Accessed May 31, 2024. https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/18n85td/women_who_value_men_for_their_money_are/.
[7] R/askreddit on reddit: Divorced men of reddit: What moment with your former wife made me think “yup, I’m asking this girl to divorce me.”? Accessed May 31, 2024. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6ig6v9/divorced_men_of_reddit_what_moment_with_your/.
[8] What are the reasons why men divorce their wives so regularly? Quora. Accessed June 6, 2024. https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-reasons-why-men-divorce-their-wives-so-regularly.
[9] R/askreddit on reddit: Divorced men of reddit: What moment with your former wife made me think “yup, I’m asking this girl to divorce me.”? Accessed May 31, 2024. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6ig6v9/divorced_men_of_reddit_what_moment_with_your/
[10] R/askmen on reddit: Men of reddit who got a divorce, what was the final straw? or did the wife initiate it? Accessed May 31, 2024. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/10ikjm2/men_of_reddit_who_got_a_divorce_what_was_the/.
